A Story of Strength

Tell us a little about your story—what year in school were you when you found out you were pregnant? 
I found out at the beginning of my senior year at Auburn. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship a few months prior and was in a weird place emotionally. I felt the Lord calling me in one direction and the world calling me the opposite way. I had reconnected with a friend named Conner, we hit it off immediately, but then he left for a 4- month deployment. A few weeks later on September 14th, I found out I was pregnant, and I completely crumbled. I was on the floor of my best friend’s room sobbing, trying to figure out how this could happen to me. I was not at all the wild party type (which I guess I thought you had to be if you got pregnant young), and I had plans! I was in the process of applying to grad school to become a physical therapist which has been my dream forever, I hadn’t graduated, and obviously I wasn’t married like I had envisioned I would be before having a baby.

If you could go back and tell yourself something in the moment you found out you were pregnant, what would it be? 
You are loved, you are not alone, you are stronger than you think. 

What did your decision to go through with your pregnancy look like? 
I think this is the hardest question to answer. It’s hard for me to talk about my decision process because it breaks my heart to think I hesitated to go through with my pregnancy. I have always been the motherly type, and abortion had never been a thought to me until I saw the positive sign on my pregnancy test. The moment I found out I was pregnant I immediately thought I was incapable and unprepared. I had my own plans (finishing school, going to graduate school, being married before kids). Having a baby was not on my radar at the time. I decided that God made a mistake and that I would go through with a medical abortion the following week. I had an appointment set up the following Monday. Thankfully, in the time between when I found out I was pregnant and my appointment, God changed my heart. Between a perfectly timed sermon at ACC and a select few people surrounding me with love, support, and grace, we figured out some of the next steps. When I finally said, “Okay God, I am going to do this, but I cannot do this alone. I’m handing it over to you,” He gave me the most incredible peace. I didn’t know how, but I knew I would be okay.

How did you deal with any opposing forces you experienced during your pregnancy? 
There were definitely some bumps in the road! I definitely felt a lot of guilt and shame. It wasn’t easy by any means, but I had to constantly remind myself it wasn’t in my hands (which is a good thing), and that I was loved unconditionally by our Heavenly Father. I also had an incredible support system that I could lean on at any time of the day or night! Conner was deployed but was still incredible and so supportive while he was gone.

What was the most difficult thing about your unplanned pregnancy? 
Probably the realization and coming to terms with the fact that my life was drastically changing and that I would soon be responsible for another life.Some other difficulties were finishing school, my self-confidence while dealing with judgement, and Conner being deployed.

What was the most beautiful thing about it? 
Definitely the moment that I saw my baby boy and held him for the first time. I will never forget that moment. I was overwhelmed with love and somehow that love grows more every day. The most beautiful thing during my pregnancy was the support that I received from my friends and church family.

What support in finishing your educations did you receive from others? 
It was truly incredible how many people rallied behind me to help me in any way they could. I was constantly encouraged. Baby Steps’ doors were always open for me to hang out or study, and I always looked forward to Family Dinner where I could be around girls going through the same thing I was.

Where are you now? 
I moved back to Orlando with Mason and my now fiancé Conner to be around my family. I just applied to a Doctor of Physical Therapy program at UCF and wanted to be close to family for support. Conner is working full-time so I can be at home spending time with Mason before my program starts (hopefully!) in May. I am so thankful I get to be home with him to watch him grow (way too fast) and learn new things every day!

​Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this post belong solely to the author and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and viewpoints for Baby Steps