The Scars I'm Thankful For
by Stacie LeCroy
All views expressed in the following blog post belong solely to the author.
My then-boyfriend and I found out about our daughter five weeks after I turned 21. I was a junior at Auburn, and already 10 weeks along in my pregnancy. The feeling of being alone was overwhelming at times for me. I vividly remember walking through campus soon after I discovered I was pregnant and realizing that everyone I walked past had NO idea that my life had just done a 180. They had no idea I was going to be a mom or how terrified I was.
Throughout my pregnancy, people gave me all the looks, comments, and snickers as they saw me walk by. It hurt—tremendously. One day, I decided that I wasn’t going to be a failing statistic. I began to lean on my boyfriend (now my husband) who consistently reminded me how loved I was, and not just by him and my family, but by the Lord. I worked hard, and took online classes my last three months of the pregnancy so I wouldn’t fall behind in school. I finished my last semester at Auburn with a 4.0 while working 30 hour weeks at my job and raising a six month old. The Lord is so good. He is so faithful and will fulfill His promises to you. It was not easy, not for one second, but when He became my only hope and I began to trust He would take care of me, it became easier.
So, I’m writing this today to say how thankful I am for these scars. I can see now, with open eyes, that I wouldn’t trade any of it because my brokenness brought me to the Lord, and the wounds that I have are a story for Him to use for His glory.
It’s taken me seven years to tell my story. If you’re reading this, and find yourself in a similar situation, I want you to know that you are going to be okay. You have a Heavenly Father that loves you! It took me realizing He could have been so angry with me, so disgusted, disappointed…and I deserved all of those things, but that wasn’t at all His response to me. This is when I began to understand, for the first time, the Lord’s grace and mercy that He had for me. Instead of writing me off, He gave me one of the most precious gifts--my daughter, Bentley.
My husband and I married a year after we had Bentley. We were very lucky to have her with us on our wedding day. Eventually she will realized that she is older than the years we have been married and she will have questions. My hope is that she feels loved and wanted. I don’t know when this day will come, and I don’t know what I’m going to say to her even though I’ve practiced before but nothing seems right. But I know in that moment the Lord will guide me and it won’t be me speaking to her, but Him—for He knows exactly what needs to be said to her.
Bentley is now the best big sister to her two little brothers, Grant and Grayson! My husband and I could not imagine our life without our little princess. She holds a special place in our family and has a heart of gold. She has taught us about loving others better than we could have taught her. When I look at her, she is a constant reminder to me that the Lord is faithful and so good. It may seem like there is no hope—but that is so far from the truth. When you begin to believe that the Lord will always fulfill His promises to take care of you, your confidence will be found in Him, and you will find yourself on a mountain top.
Disclaimer: The views, thought, and opinions expressed in this post belong solely to the author and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and viewpoints for Baby Steps
